In Pamper the Bitch, the last chapter in our brand new book about surviving tough times in style, we spend an entire section on the joys of the dog park.

After all, nothing rivals a doggy park for free entertainment (important for any bitch on a budget) and for meeting people.

We suggest you notice how alike dogs and their owners are. Check out the guy “with the Boxer, so proud of himself because the poor schnook dog is obeying each command. Notice how tightly the owner holds his body, how he moves each muscle with precision and keeps his head up high, but you can see him glancing from side to side to make sure everyone is watching.” Or how about the chick with the tiny Chihuahua? “A skinny leather thong thingy wraps around and around her scrawny little neck…jangly little X and O bangles announce her every move…her face is a little pointy and her head nearly shaved under the cap. So nervous in her movements.” So like her anxious little pooch.

Of course you love your dog like a child, and “would never use a child to pimp a date for you.” But a dog is not a child and the doggy park is a great place to meet people. Charmingly tricked out in the latest from Burberry or Juicy Couture and unleashed (metaphorically speaking) your canine mate offers up ” easy social interactions, since you’ve always got something to talk about and something to look at”. In fact we suggest directing your little friend over “to the cutest guy in the park. We’re certain he’ll have a Lab. Go racing over, blush, and apologize as you tell him how your pet never does that, but his dog is just so cute (hopefully she’s not a bitch).”

What you did get right was no one wants to be hit on by a hound–especially one with a milk bone in his pocket.

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Garcia, a father hoping to make a better life for his child, took the stage on the first night of the infamous Hollywood Week on ‘American Idol’ and sang a rendition of ‘Straight Up.’ It was a risky choice, considering Paula Abdul, who made the tune famous, had left the show. But Garcia, with guitar in hand, nailed his toned-down version.

“That was genius,” Kara DioGuardi told Garcia. “Paula would be screaming and yelling,” she added.

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